I wasn't blogging yet when I wrote this so pardon this post for being a year late. ^_^
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Amber's 1st Birthday Celebration at Tagaytay (14June2010) |
August 2010
My dearest Amber,
It has been nearly 2 months since we celebrated your first birthday... I felt bad that I lost the letter that I made when you turned one. It was the perfect letter for the occasion! It unravelled my emotions. It took me almost two months to try to re-write everything again. Though this is not the same letter, the emotions are just the same,... no, it actually gotten stronger as I learn to love you more each day...
In the nearly two months after your first birthday, you seemed to have grown more and wiser. In my solitude, the thoughts of your smile alone fill my heart with overflowing gladness – almost the same feeling that shrouded me when I first learned that I was about to have you – just more intense!
I can still vividly recall the time your daddy and I found out about you. (By the way, your daddy has been eagerly anticipating for you every month since we got married, so imagine the look on his face when it was finally confirmed J). I was happy and excited but scared... scared because I didn’t know what to expect. Apart from the many changes that are about to happen to me physically, I was scared that I may not be capable to take care of another person that is growing in me and that will wholly depend on me... I was scared that I may not be able to love someone as much (well, loving your daddy is a different story of course J). It was all mind-blowing at that time.
But then the moment I saw that pea-shaped figure in the sonologist’s screen, the instance that I heard that heartbeat on the doctor’s Doppler, I knew without a doubt that there is nothing I cannot and will not do for you. I have loved you from that very moment!
The doctor gave me vitamins that I religiously take, because I knew that they are for your good more than mine. I never skipped any doctor’s appointments. I even look forward to it because it meant I’ll be hearing the sound of your heartbeat again. When the doctor noticed an irregularity on the early part of my pregnancy, I was put on bed rest (which I jokingly say “bed-arrest”) for a long one month. I felt so restricted, but I obliged, if it meant that everything will be fine soon. I let go of my favourite drink in the whole world... yes, zero mountain dew! because it wasn’t good for you. J All the sacrifices that I am so willing to take just to make sure that I am giving you the proper care.
And then the time came... I could not admit to anybody but in my eyes and heart, you were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen! All my fears vanished in an instance! What’s left is a remarkable strength that wants to protect and shield you away from anything that may harm you.
It felt so right to finally hold you in my arms. Your daddy is funnier though. He said he will only carry you when you are able to prop your head up because he was scared that he might not be able to hold you firmly without breaking your tiny frame. But the first time you were brought to my hospital room, he stormed by your side. And then there you were, sleeping soundly in his arms. He too, at that very moment, has let go of his apprehensions.
I love looking at your face when you sleep...
I love hearing your cute giggles and your contagious laughter when daddy tickles your little feet...
I love the shape of your eyes when you look straight at us...
I love those lips even if you hide the lower lip whenever you’re not in the mood...
... I can go on and on forever about the things that I love about you. There are just too many!
And may I also add how proud I feel for you? You were the cutest baby in the nursery. Everybody turned their heads at you when we were on the lobby. You were bundled in a pink blanket. I saw strangers look at your way. I felt ultimately proud! My heart screams of pride.
You gave beauty to my life. You took away my sadness. You made me look at life differently. If I can only stay with you, beside you every time of the day, I would! At night, when I get home, it’s amazing how just one look at you takes away the exhaustions of a day’s work. Just one hug from you makes me strong enough to lift and carry and even dance with you till you fall asleep... no matter how tiring and stressful my day was.
I promise to be at your side every time you need me. I will always hold your hands as you try to make those little steps. I will always wrap you in my arms when you’re scared of something. I will always listen to your stories even if I can’t understand baby talks. I will always be there for you every time you need to do new things that may scare you. You can always count on mommy to be there for you... always!
I love you so much my baby Amber!
Mommy
Proud mommy,
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